When broken hearts rise up to say love is a lie, You and I will stand to be love’s reply!

Justin Bieber may be a 15 year old boy with a 12 year old girl's singing voice and an 8 year old's face, but he does have some good lyrics. The title of this post is part of the song Common Denominator. The song is not perfect, because I definitely do not believe that "playing girls was my high" is a true statement about the boy's life. However, he sounds really good in the song and a lot of the other lyrics are quite good.

I'm allowing myself to get distracted from my paper. I need to get back to work.

It always frustrates me...

when people so much younger than I am are far more talented and/or successful than I will ever be.

How is it possible that someone who has just turned 17 can so eloquently describe the way I've been feeling for years? I've tried explaining, and it sounds more like complaining. I guess if I ever feel the need to describe how I feel now, I'll just play this song...

Hey Hey!

I have nothing profound to say today.

This week has not been the greatest one I've ever experienced, let me tell you that. A fraudulent website stole all of my money, and now I am 100% broke. Over Thanksgiving break I get to go to the bank and file a claim to try and get my money back.

Tuesday I called the bank to get everything sorted out between my shifts at work. Thank goodness for supportive and totally calming friends. I felt so much better after hearing my work friends tell me it would be ok. After work, I went to class. The guy that sits next to me in class was wearing an excessive amount of cologne which has led to me having a headache since the moment he walked into class straight through to this current moment. It probably wasn't helped by the fact that he was wearing an excessive amount again today. I guess I'm gonna have to talk to him about it.

After class on Tuesday, I went to bed at 5 and got up again at 7 for dinner. I had hoped my head would be feeling better, but it wasn't. Instead, I also felt really dizzy. I got some dinner, and then climbed back into my bed at 8. I did not get up until 7 yesterday morning.

Wednesday, I still felt totally awful. I felt super dizzy every time I sat or stood up. It was wretched. I went to my first class, but all I could do the whole time was think about how badly I wanted to crawl back in my bed. I could barely hold my head up. So, I skipped my last two classes and laid on the couch. It was much needed.

Today I still had a headache when I got up, but I went to work anyway. At this point, it's kind of jsut always there in the back of my mind, but I just try to ignore it.

Here's where I go off on a tangent about how much I love work this semester. It's weird to say, but I really have had a ridiculously good time. Yeah, it's food service, and yeah Messiah students think we are there to serve their every whim, but it's still a good time. The people I work with on Tuesdays and Thursdays are amazing. All of them. I had no idea it would be that much fun.

I honestly can't think of anything else to say. Here's to hoping the end of this week is better than the beginning!

Peace!

Sometimes, I

just get carried away.

I just don't know what I'm doing, really. I should trust that God knows where my life is headed. He knows the things I worry about, and He's going to help me through it. I know this, but my mind runs away with all the many possibilities sometimes.

That's when things start being weird. And that's also when I know to back off.

Which is now. I need to back off now.

I really have learned quite a lot about myself this semester.

Today was a really good day.

Actually, the last few Tuesdays and Thursdays have been pretty good. I had to give a presentation today, which was not fun, but other than that I've been having a really positive time.

I'd love to say it was because of an amazing guy or something, but that's not really it. I'm still boyfriendless, and it's still depressing when both of my roommates are having couple time. But maybe that is part of things being bettter. I have a new friend I've made this semester who recently I've been talking to quite a bit. This particular person has been extremely supportive of the things I want to do in my life, and things I enjoy. I will give credit to my amazing friends I've had for a long time too, though. They've been laughing at my interests a lot less. Of course, they were "laughing in love" and I know they are just messing around with me, but it's been nice being able to have a good conversation about things.

I feel a lot less stressed, and a lot more encouraged. That's what I've needed. Thinking about graduating has been really crazy, but I know it's all gonna work out. And one day, I might find a guy to share the future with. I hope.

NYC

I love NYC, but traffic is soooo crazy. I'm really glad I don't have to drive there. ever. The city is beautiful. We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, and saw where my friend Kelly lived while she did her semester there (she lived in Brooklyn). It was an awesome day, even though it was cold. We got Greek food from a place across the street from where she lived, which we ate at the promenade, overlooking the water. We could see the Statue of Liberty from the promenade, and we watched helicopters flying overhead. It kinda reminded us of I Am Legend. On the Brooklyn Bridge, we got hit on by some guys trying to sell us copies of their comedy dvd. They were so hilarious that we just contributed to their life dreams. Overall, it was a wonderful time, and I would totally go back there again and again.

This weekend I...

...watched a whole lot of online TV shows
...wore slipper socks. on the outside of my pants.
...finished season one of Reaper and found myself addicted.
...spent all of this morning by myself in the apartment.
...listened to the Backstreet Boys while showering.
...cleaned the bathroom. while listening to the Backstreet Boys
...spilled water on the counter and floor at least 3 times from my own stupid clumsiness.
...made foul iced tea that I threw away immediately.
...stayed inside for the entirety of one day.
...will go to the Renaissance Faire with my bff.

Here's another...

Honestly, I ALWAYS think these are funny!

sigh...

This time of year always makes me feel a little depressed. Probably because this is the time of year when couples are forming or just being generally full of pda. It shouldn't bother me, but sometimes it does. Like this past weekend, when one roommate went home to see her fiance, and the other took her boyfriend on a family trip to a cabin. I was here at school, by myself, trying to find something to do, with just myself. That's the time when I feel down. Obviously, I would never want my friends to spend time with me over their significant others, because they are clearly more important. But why am I not important to someone? Why have I NEVER been important enough to someone that they would want to ask me out?

I'm not saying that I need a boyfriend. I certainly do not, as I've proven over the last 21 years of my life. I really just want to know what has caused me to have such a non-existent love life. That's all I want. Is it my fault? I don't see how it's not, since I seem to be the only person around with this problem. What's the deal?

On another note, the Push Play album came out today, and the inefficiency that is the campus mailroom just couldn't seem to put the thing in my mailbox today. It's clearly more important to sit on their butts at their computers. duh.

Alone

There's noone else here right now. My roommates are both gone for the weekend, and it seems a bit lonely here. This apartment is just a bit creepy without anyone else in it. It's time for me to go to bed, but I'm actually a little afraid. I'm such a paranoid person, that I'm gonna be listening for noises forever. I just hope I'm able to ignore the creepiness and just get some sleep.

I have a busy day tomorrow. It's our class field trip to the National Museum of American History in Washington, DC. I'm really excited, because it's the only one of the Smithsonian museums that I haven't been too yet. When we went in 5th grade, we didn't have time to go to that one. Every time I've been to DC since then, it's been closed. Bummer. But I will finally be able to see it, and Julia Child's kitchen, tomorrow.

I love the band Mcfly. Honestly, I don't understand why they were never able to get a huge fanbase in America. They're pretty huge in Europe. They requested my friendship on myspace, like, 5 years ago. They are still amazing.

I think that's it for now. I'm gonna try to get some sleep now I guess.

PEACE

hello!

I sure haven't updated this in a long time. The stupid dial-up internet we have at my house made it pretty difficult to do anything online over the summer.

I'm back at Messiah, and I'm finally a senior. I'm not sure where I'm going in my life, but I hope I'll soon figure something out. There are a lot of things I feel I need to accomplish this year. Some of them are obvious, like things to do with having a future career. Some are more personal, like figuring out what the heck is wrong with me that I still can't find a boyfriend. It' s not like I really need one, because I've been fine on my own for the last 21 years. The problem is that it's gonna be awful hard to find a guy in the future who is ok with my complete lack of past relationships.

It's best to just not worry about it, I guess.

That's all for now.

I keep forgetting I have this blog

I absolutely never think to post stuff. oops!

Anyway, it's springtime!! The weather is amazing! And I have never had so much work to do over the course of one week. Seriously, I may lose my mind. It's completely ridiculous.

Hopefully, I will get to see some friends tonight that I never get a chance to see when they're here. Maybe that will work out :)

This post is soooo not philosophical, or particularly intelligent, but only about 5 people read this anyway.

Umm, I'm reading this book called "Confederates in the Attic" and it's pretty interesting. It's about a man who travels throughout the south visiting different places that were impacted directly by the Civil War. He talks to a lot of reenacters and people involved with Confederate related organizations. There is still so much going on about the Civil War in the south that I had no idea about. It's a bit crazy, but it's also really intriguing. I recommend the book to anyone who is interested in the Civil War.

I think that's good for this post. I have a million other things to do now.

Here's an interesting question...

If you got stranded on a desert island with a group of people, what would be more important...

figuring out a way to organize yourselves, like having a leader and figuring out to way to make group decisions...
or go into "every man for himself" mode, like everyone trying to find food and water, shelter, etc.

would organization or self-preservation be more important?

how about if you'd been there for more than just a few days, like say, 2 weeks. would your priorities change? would you try to make some sort of government for yourselves?

isn't there someone...

...who cares about me?

Valentines Day

This Valentine's Day might actually be awesome. No, I don't have a valentine. Like that'll ever happen. But I am going to be in New York for the Push Play Valentine's show. I finally found a way to actually get to a show, and I'm excited about it.

I think we're gonna try to get to SNL afterwards, because the Jonas Brothers are gonna be there. What a coincidence! haha, it might be stressful though. I hate large, unmanageable crowds. That's just what thousands of screaming JB fangirls are, aren't they? haha, I just hope all goes well. We're gonna be leaving here super early and driving for quite a few hours, so hopefully it all goes as planned. Although things never seem to do that, do they?

I haven't been to New York since 2002, so I'm excited to see the place again. It's gonna be awesome just for that, but the concert is supposed to be wicked amazing. It better be, because I have high expectations. I always do though. I've been to crazy concerts, and I expect this one to be just as awesome, in a smaller venue, more intimate way. And that's what I'm excited for.

I guess that's enough about that for now. I'll post again after the concert.

<3

This semester...

is going to be ridiculous. I'm seeing myself spending the whole semester with a textbook in my hand. That's how much reading I have to do.

But on a positive note, I'm going to be seeing Push Play twice this month! I'm actually going to have a good Valentine's Day, for the first time ever, because I'm going to be in New York at a concert with awesome people. I don't know how it could be better. Actually, it could be. Because the Jonas Brothers are doing SNL that night, and perhaps we will be able to find them after the concert. That would be fantastic. :)

I guess that's it for now. I have a lot of stressing out to do.

Some things I've learned

I'm not very articulate. Some of the things I say don't come out quite the way I want them too, and I just hope that certain people reading this don't think I hate them. Or don't want to be around them. Because that's not true. There are things I just don't want to do, and I really do think that my friends understand that. All of them. Some of the worries I had before were really very unfounded and dumb. I think I was just not in a good mood at the time, and didn't say things quite the way I wanted. But oh well.

Here's something I learned about myself:
I am afraid of falling in love. All this time, I've been complaining about my lack of love life, and everyone else's drama they've involved me in, but you know what? I'm really just terrified of having to deal with the drama myself. I know it will be worth it, and I really am ready for and want a boyfriend anytime, but because I've never had one, I have no idea what to expect. I mean, I guess I do, from watching all my friends, but I have no actual experience. I don't think that makes me immature, and I don't think it makes me any less desirable than anyone else, but that's how it is. Hopefully it won't influence anyone too much, because everyone has to start somewhere, but that's what I've been feeling.

JTerm is almost over. I've read some fabulous books. My short list of books I recommend would be this:
Poison Study; Magic Study; Fire Study ( all 3 by Maria V Snyder)
The Ascendancy (by John M Weiskopf)
The Road (by Cormac McCarthy)
A Great and Terrible Beauty; Rebel Angels; The Sweet, Far Thing (all 3 by Libba Bray)

I think that's enough for now.