wow, my life is awkward.

So much of my time these days is spent being the extra wheel. I'm the single one, as usual, but it seems more pronounced these days. I guess I don't really mind that much, but it's been getting subtly more annoying each time.

All last year I had a hard time dealing with the fact that I've never had a boyfriend. I was thinking that I must be a loser because I'm 20 and single, but this summer I really got over that. I wasn't gonna say it, because I will sound silly to most people, but I have the Jonas Brothers to thank for that. Why, you ask? Well, I don't personally know them, but since around March, I've been paying more attention to the things that they do, and the way they live their lives. Through all of that, I've gained more confidence in myself, and I know that it will be ok. Even though I'm single, it doesn't mean I'm a loser. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. It just means that I haven't found the person God has planned for me. And I can deal with that. I feel much better about my situation.

Recently, though, the old feelings started coming back. I think that's because most of my single friends did study abroad programs this year, and now I'm here with all my friends who are in serious relationships. It made me feel a little bit inferior. Honestly, though, what is helping me now is Demi Lovato's new cd. That sounds just as silly as the Jonas Brothers comment, but it's true. She may only be 16, but she knows what it feels like to feel inferior, and not feel pretty. I can relate to her, and her music really is something that I understand. That's why I feel grateful to her.

Too bad I'll probably never get to tell any of them exactly how they've helped me realize who I am. They'll never know how much they've done for my confidence. But that's ok, because even if they don't know, I will. And that's the important part. Nothing else really matters.

I guess that's the end of this rant. That's where I am in my life currently.

The End.

it's a new school year

everything is really different this semester. but i feel oddly at peace about it. messiah is a really beautiful campus, and i'm glad i'm here, even if half of my friends are in other parts of the world. i also have been fortunate to have some amazing conversations with the friends that i do have here. i have high hopes for this year (which include my high-off-the-floor bed, and the hope that i won't fall out of it. haha!)

i've been able to figure out a general pattern of how college students make and keep friends.

Freshman Year- try to make as many friends as humanly possible AND try to actually hang out with them. possibly lose some friends from home.

Sophomore Year- the college friends we've made are just too many to comprehend, so we ditch about half of them and only hang out with a few people who become close and amazing friends. some of the friends from home that we've accidently ditched start to become more important again, and our friendships with them start to come back.

Junior Year- We've realized that we did a poor job of maintaining connections with our friends from freshman year and therefore try to hang out with some of them again. (the ones who want to, anyway) hometown friends that still exist are the ones that totally have our backs 100% and are therefore some of our best friends.

now, i know this is a general thing, and i don't know how it is for everyone. this is just what i've noticed in my life, my friends' lives, and the lives of people i've noticed.